Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Emotion, and no time to process...
I'm not ready!

This time of year is so crazy with everything that occurs at the end of the year... multiply that by three children. It's always hard to keep up.

It's been a long year as I've tried to prepare my youngest for middle school, my middle child for high school...and, also get my daughter ready for college. I'm spent.

But, I can't be... because time marches on....and there are still important things to do.
Wake me up when its over.

I was okay with the college visits... the applications...the acceptances and the final decision.
I held it together at all the curtain calls for the final high school productions.
I was doing fine with it all.

It may have started with the prom pictures...or when the yearbook she worked so hard on came home..., it really started as a whisper when the gown came home in its mortar board shaped folding...

Yes, It started to shout louder and sting my ears then...

(Noooooooooooooo..not just yet....wait, I'm not ready.)


But time never waits.

It floored me when the choice of resident halls were decided...and it knocked me out cold when the roommate request was placed....these big decisions, rightly made, without me...all matter-of-fact...complete...didn't I tell ya.
Oh No!
No. This isn't happening. WAIT! She won't be living HERE next year.
No,No,No,No,No,No.....I can't hear you.....nanananananananananananananana......

I'm down and out for the count. KO!
Her high school days are nearly over...and she's off to college in a few months.

She's leaving...and I'm NOT READY!!!
It's just that everything happens so quickly..and everything is thing right after the next...always so busy.
It's been weeks of "lasts" and final moments... and, tomorrow is the very last day of her high school career.
I'M NOT READY! STOP...I want to get off this crazy ride.

During senior awards night it was really hard. I listened to the kind words spoken about her...I watched her walk on stage...sort of a rehearsal for me. A practice for me for the BIG DAY.
This is only a test. I realized then, I'm going to be a mess at graduation and forever after.
I'm going to need to go to bed for a week, or a month or four years... I'm telling you...
I'm not ready.


Anonymous said...

Elizabeth! Wheeewwwww so many emotions you have inspired! First, congratulations! Mom, you did it!!!

Next, this isn't gonna be easy. But, wonderful. A new door in your personal journey will appear....when you are ready to walk through it.

Until then...absorb every second....this is the season of winning...for your whole family. Race won!!

love, kelee

the wild raspberry said...

time goes by so very fast!
{you have a wonderful writing style}

Deb said...

Your post brought back so many emotions It does get easier as time goes by.

My daughter will be heading into her 3rd year of collage, however this year she left residence and is now in a house with 4 other girls which means she won't be coming home this summer. I'm finding this very hard harder than when she left the first year.

But that is what is suppose to happen I guess they start their own lives weather we are ready or not. Take care Hugs Deborah

Jane said...

I know what you mean - my son is a senior in college next year and he just left for summer classes at school - I have to say I started to tear up as he was driving away! You would think I would get over it by now!

Best wishes with your daughter as she goes off to college - it is her threshold to a new world and so exciting.

Anonymous said...


Find a way

Find a way
a path will take you there...or make your own