Emotion, and no time to process...
I'm not ready!
This time of year is so crazy with everything that occurs at the end of the year... multiply that by three children. It's always hard to keep up.
It's been a long year as I've tried to prepare my youngest for middle school, my middle child for high school...and, also get my daughter ready for college. I'm spent.
But, I can't be... because time marches on....and there are still important things to do.
Wake me up when its over.
I was okay with the college visits... the applications...the acceptances and the final decision.
I held it together at all the curtain calls for the final high school productions.
I was doing fine with it all.
It may have started with the prom pictures...or when the yearbook she worked so hard on came home..., it really started as a whisper when the gown came home in its mortar board shaped folding...
Yes, It started to shout louder and sting my ears then...
THIS IS IT!
(Noooooooooooooo..not just yet....wait, I'm not ready.)
I'M NOT READY!
But time never waits.
It floored me when the choice of resident halls were decided...and it knocked me out cold when the roommate request was placed....these big decisions, rightly made, without me...all matter-of-fact...complete...didn't I tell ya.
No. This isn't happening. WAIT! She won't be living HERE next year.
No,No,No,No,No,No.....I can't hear you.....nanananananananananananananana......
I'm down and out for the count. KO!
Her high school days are nearly over...and she's off to college in a few months.
She's leaving...and I'm NOT READY!!!
It's just that everything happens so quickly..and everything is ending...one thing right after the next...always so busy.
It's been weeks of "lasts" and final moments... and, tomorrow is the very last day of her high school career.
I'M NOT READY! STOP...I want to get off this crazy ride.
During senior awards night it was really hard. I listened to the kind words spoken about her...I watched her walk on stage...sort of a rehearsal for me. A practice for me for the BIG DAY.
This is only a test. I realized then, I'm going to be a mess at graduation and forever after.
I'm going to need to go to bed for a week, or a month or four years... I'm telling you...
I'm not ready.